026 Breaking the Disclosure Dam with Ana Nosal
I sat down with Ana Nosal, who was diagnosed with progressive vision loss at fourteen and then spent more than a decade telling almost no one, not her coaches, barely her friends, not even herself in some ways. In this episode, I ask her about the years of quiet self-protection, the therapy that finally cracked it open, and the single conversation with her boyfriend that changed how she thought about disclosure entirely. Then I ask her about the moment she stopped telling people one at a time and posted her whole story at once. This is a conversation about agency, about the math of worst-case versus best-case thinking, and about what happens when you finally break the dam.
The Ana-Shaped Hole in the Wall
There's a moment near the end of my conversation with Ana Nosal where I told her she'd done something unusual. Most people who eventually disclose a disability do it in pieces: a friend here, a coworker there, testing the water each time. Ana broke the dam all at once. She posted her story to social media and, in her words, let it flood out to thousands of people who had no idea. I told her she'd put an Ana-shaped hole in the wall as she ran through it. She laughed, but I meant it as a genuine observation, because the way she got there says something important about how disclosure actually works.
Ana was diagnosed with Stargardt disease at fourteen, after years of symptoms she didn't yet have a name for: trouble seeing the board in class, a softening hand-eye coordination on the soccer field that she chalked up to something else. When the diagnosis finally came, she did what most of us do: she and her father went home and Googled it, and found exactly the kind of frightening, worst-case information the internet tends to serve up first. Her response was denial, dressed up as practicality. She was about to start high school. She had sports, friends, a life already in motion. This was not something she wanted to give attention to, and for years, she mostly didn't.
What I found most interesting wasn't the denial itself, which is a familiar stage for almost everyone I talk with on this show, but the specific strategy Ana used to maintain it. She quietly gave up soccer, telling herself and everyone else that she simply preferred cross country and track. Her coach never knew the real reason. Neither did most of her friends. She described this, with real clarity, as a form of protection: if she could keep performing normalcy convincingly enough, maybe the vision loss wouldn't have to be real, or at least wouldn't have to be known.
That strategy is common, and it works, for a while. Ana kept it going through high school and college, disclosing to professors and friends only on what she called a need-to-know basis. But she told me something that I think is easy to miss from the outside: keeping a secret that size isn't neutral. It has a cost. She described feeling like she had to earn the right to disclose to romantic partners, waiting until a relationship felt established enough that nothing she said could end it. That's not caution. That's exhaustion, dressed up as strategy.
The turn, when it came, wasn't dramatic. It was a repeated, almost boring piece of advice from her retina specialist: at every annual appointment, for years, he told her to just tell one more person. One. She rolled her eyes at it for a long time. But eventually, in therapy, which she'd originally started for grief counseling after losing her father, she and her therapist started noticing that nearly every scenario in her self-esteem work somehow traced back to her vision. Meeting friends at a restaurant and not being able to find them. Feeling like she wasn't bringing a whole, capable person to the table. The vision loss wasn't a side issue. It was underneath almost everything.
What I want to highlight is the specific tool that got her unstuck, because I think it's genuinely useful and not just a nice turn of phrase: before she told her current boyfriend, two dates in, she and her therapist worked through the actual probabilities. What's the worst that happens if he reacts badly? What's the best that happens if he doesn't? And realistically, which is more likely? Ana called herself a Type A person, and I think that's exactly why this worked for her: she needed to see the odds laid out before she could act on them. When she finally told him, and he responded with support instead of the rejection she'd rehearsed, something shifted. He didn't just accept the disclosure passively; he started gently pointing out moments where telling other people might help her, like letting friends know she was visually impaired before a bike ride at night.
That's the piece I keep returning to, because it reframes disclosure as something other than a one-way confession. Ana put it well herself: when you tell someone something true and difficult about yourself, you're not just giving information away. You're also gathering it. Their reaction tells you who they are. That reframe changes the entire emotional calculus of coming out with a diagnosis, or any hidden part of yourself. It's not just risk. It's also data.
Eventually, Ana decided she didn't want to have that same conversation, one on one, with every person in her life who didn't already know. So she skipped it. She posted her story publicly, all at once, and braced for whatever came next. What came next was almost entirely support: her mother texting that she was proud, elementary school teachers she hadn't spoken to in over a decade reaching out, strangers telling her that her videos had helped them understand a family member's vision loss for the first time. The worst-case scenario she and her therapist had rehearsed for years simply didn't happen.
I don't think that outcome was luck. I think it was the direct result of years of quiet work: in therapy, in one difficult conversation with a boyfriend, in slowly testing whether the people around her could be trusted with the truth before she handed it to the entire internet at once. Ana's retina specialist was right that telling one person a year would have gotten her there eventually, just more slowly. But I don't think the lesson here is that everyone should post their story to social media. Ana was careful to say the same thing: everyone discloses on their own timeline, in their own way, and there's no single right pace.
What I do think is worth taking from this conversation is smaller and more practical: that fear of disclosure almost always overestimates the worst case and underestimates the best one, and that there's a way to test that imbalance deliberately, the way Ana did with her therapist, instead of just living inside the fear. If you're sitting on something you haven't told anyone, you don't have to rip the Band-Aid off the way Ana did. But it might be worth asking yourself her retina specialist's question: who is the one person you could tell this year?
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In this episode of inSight Out, host Matthew Reeves talks with Ana Nosal, a 30-year-old marathon runner from the Washington, D.C. area who was diagnosed with Stargardt disease at fourteen. Ana describes the early denial that came with starting high school just as her vision loss was confirmed, the accommodations she quietly refused to use, and the moment in college when giving up driving forced a new kind of acceptance. She also traces how her competitive life shifted, from soccer and softball, where her declining hand-eye coordination became too hard to ignore, to cross country and track, sports she could still control on her own terms.
Much of the conversation centers on disclosure: why Ana told professors and friends only on a strict need-to-know basis for over a decade, how therapy, originally sought for grief after her father's death, eventually surfaced how much of her anxiety and self-esteem was tangled up in her vision loss, and how she and her therapist worked through worst-case and best-case scenarios before she told her boyfriend just two dates in. That practice run set the stage for the leap that followed: posting her story to social media all at once, rather than telling people one at a time.
Ana and Matthew talk about what it's like to receive an outpouring of support you spent years bracing against, the guilt of wondering why you didn't trust people sooner, and the unexpected reward of helping other people, including partners, parents, and teachers, recognize vision loss they hadn't known how to see before.
Topics Covered: Stargardt disease, disclosure and self-advocacy, adaptive sports, marathon running, grief counseling, generalized anxiety, self-esteem work, social media visibility, dating and disclosure, worst-case versus best-case thinking.
Contact Ana at ana.m.nosal@gmail.com and follow her on IG or TicTok: @Ana_Nosal
ABOUT THE PODCAST
inSight Out is your podcast home for living well with vision loss. Host Matthew Reeves (LPC CRC NCC) is a legally-blind psychotherapist and rehabilitation counselor specializing in helping people thrive while living with disability. Matthew is licensed in Georgia and is a nationally certified rehabilitation counselor.
Please be sure to subscribe to catch every episode. And remember to share the show with others in the blind and low-vision community!
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The following transcript is AI generated and likely contains errors.
026 Breaking the Disclosure Dam with Ana Nosal
COLD OPEN
[00:00:00]
Ana Nosal: I think it was just such a, a leap for me out of my comfort zone telling somebody and also just having them react in, like, a positive, supportive way where I think it calms, like, all of my nerves and fears of like, "Hey, someone's gonna... It's gonna be, like, a deal breaker for someone, and someone's not gonna like me because of, you know, my visual impairment. They'll think of me differently." So I think that was just, like, a huge, um, thing I had to get past
INTRO
Matthew Reeves: You're listening to Insight Out a podcast about living well with low vision. Maybe you're feeling confused, scared, isolated, or disheartened about a recent vision loss diagnosis, or maybe you've been managing your vision loss for a while and now you want to hear from others about how to continue growing and [00:01:00] thriving. Insight Out is your supportive space to find healthy and impactful tools to build and maintain a truly rich and gratifying life with low or no vision.
I'm Matthew Reeves. I'm a legally blind psychotherapist and rehabilitation counselor. I specialize in helping people adjust to disability through my practice, integral Mental Health Services in Atlanta, Georgia. I'm really glad you're listening.
Please subscribe so you don't miss an episode, and let others in the low vision community know about the podcast so the word can spread to those who might find it helpful. And now on with today's discussion.
TOPIC INTRO
Matthew Reeves: today I sit down with Anna Nozal, diagnosed with progressive vision loss at age 14
And then spent more than a decade telling almost no one, not her coaches, barely her friends, not even herself in some ways. In this episode, I ask her about the years of quiet self-protection, the therapy that finally [00:02:00] cracked it open, and the single conversation with her boyfriend that changed how she thought about disclosure entirely.
Then I ask her about the moment she stopped telling people one at a time and posted her whole story at once. This is a conversation about agency, about the math of worst case versus best case thinking, and about what happens when you finally break the dam
Anna, I'm excited to, uh, talk to you today on Inside Out. We've had a little bit of a struggle getting this interview recorded for some technical things, so I feel like today is a victory that we can celebrate. So thank you for being here and being so patient with the technology and the process.
Uh, so I really appreciate that. why don't we get started, as we often do, by I'll ask you to kind of introduce yourself and, and tell the audience and myself a little bit about your story with vision loss.
Ana Raw - final mixdown: Sure. Um, thanks for having me and for being flexible and patient with [00:03:00] me. Um, so my name is Anna Nosal. I am 30 years old. I live in Arlington, Virginia, outside of Washington, DC, and I was diagnosed with Stargardt disease at the age of 14
Matthew Reeves: 14, was that when you had symptoms start, or was that the diagnosis? Like, what, what, what's your, what's the story of the early onset for you?
Ana Raw - final mixdown: I joke that hindsight is 20/20, in this case very ironic, but, you know, I think now looking back, I remember some of these symptoms probably emerging late elementary school through middle school when you start, you know, having to take notes and look at the board or projector screen. And, you know, when I was playing sports, I was playing soccer and softball at the time and noticing that, you know, my hand-eye coordination maybe wasn't once what it was on the field.
So, um, looking back, I think my symptoms probably started presenting earlier, but it wasn't until when I was 14 and we started going to some different eye doctors for opinions, and they [00:04:00] couldn't correct me, that one of them, um, was able to diagnose me with Stargardt disease
Matthew Reeves: Oh, wow. So like for a lot of us, that diagnostic process is so challenging. Uh, it sounds like you've, you found a doctor who it relatively simple. You're a lot younger than I am. I think it's easier now for doctors than it was when I was being diagnosed, so that, that's a good thing. what was that like for you and your diagnostic process at 14?
Was... And you were into sports and athletics. That, that might have been... That, that was not the case for me, so I don't have that experience. What was that like?
Ana Raw - final mixdown: Yeah, great questions. And yeah, even, even now I hear people really, um, struggle with the, the diagnosis process and really pinpointing what it is. So I am grateful that we were able to diagnose it early on because I think it alleviated a lot of different appointments and confusion. Um, but yeah, when I was diagnosed, I remember just not really understanding, I think, the severity of the diagnosis.
Um, basically, we [00:05:00] were referred from the optometrist to a low vision specialist, um, for further kind of validation of the diagnosis. Um, but basically, my dad and I went home from the appointment and just started doing what I think almost everyone that's diagnosed with, um, a low vision disorder of some kind is you just jump to Google, and it was pretty scary.
I think, um, I heard from a lot of others that, you know, you come across these Facebook groups and other sites where I feel like what sticks out to everyone is that there is no cure, and it's a blinding eye disease. And I just remember both of us not really understanding, like, was I gonna go completely blind?
What... You know, how fast would this progress? I think there was just a lot of unknowns. I remember my dad being very emotional and crying, calling my mom since they were divorced, um, to tell her the news. But I think I kind of just retreated a little bit and
Matthew Reeves: Mm-hmm.
Ana Raw - final mixdown: sort of went into that denial stage where, [00:06:00] um, like you grieve anything.
It was more just like denial, like, "Hey, I'm about to start high school in a few months. Like, this can't be happening to me. This isn't gonna change anything," because, you know, I-- there were just so many competing priorities for me at the time, like you said, like school, sports, friends. Um, I was, you know, entering high school, and this was not something that I, you know, wanted to give much attention to
Matthew Reeves: Not something I wanted to give this that much attention to. Yeah, I can appreciate that. Every time I've had to give attention to it, I've been like, "This is not how I'd be preferring to spend my day."
Ana Raw - final mixdown: Exactly
Matthew Reeves: you mean by that. How did that, um... for most people, there comes a point, either it's a moment in time or it's a gradual process, but there comes a point where it's like, "Oh, I have to pay attention to this.
I can't deny it." Uh, it, it kind of gets really... It kind of forces its way into our consciousness. Was that your experience?[00:07:00]
Ana Raw - final mixdown: I think there's been several moments at different, like, milestones and points of my life, I would say. I think the first one that I had to accept was, okay, I was going to high school, again, not knowing what progression or how fast this would happen with my vision loss. My parents wanted to go to the school counselor and make sure that I had accommodations in high school if I needed them.
And so that was kind of like the first, I would say, step in, you know, I think, some type of recognition towards this is happening. But again, it was very, very minimal. I, you know, went to a low vision specialist, but still refused, like, any type of low vision aids, and kind of what we landed on was that there would be like a small CCTV, like, right in front of where I was to take l- most of my core classes, and that's just what I did all through high school.
Um, there was probably a lot of other things I could have from, but I think just where I was at, um, both with my vision and just comfortability of sharing it and kind of [00:08:00] owning it, I was not there yet. So I was able to make that work, and then I would say the next step was, um, college, where, you know, I knew that I was going to have to work and learn more independently and, you know, was going to need to advocate for myself and have accommodations in place.
And again, I didn't use a lot of the accommodations that were offered to me, but I think it was a step of like, hey, you know, at least they're there if I need them. And I think driving was probably the biggest thing, you know, with having to, to first be like, "Hey, will I ever be able to drive with where my vision's at?"
And luckily, you know, I was pretty early on in my vision loss, where with the state of Virginia, I qualified for a daytime restricted license where I could only drive from sunup to sundown. And so, you know, while that wasn't ideal and what I w- you know, would have wanted in a perfect world, I was still happy that I could drive and kind of still live the same life a lot of my peers and friends [00:09:00] were having.
But when I graduated from college and having to, you know, come to terms with, hey, I'm, I'm moving to a city so that I don't need to drive anymore and that it's not safe to do so for myself or others on the road, I think that was a, another big thing where I had to hit that acceptance stage. Um, so I would say it came in different parts and chunks throughout my life
Matthew Reeves: Yeah. I'd, I'd love to hear more about the part, related to, to sports and athletics, 'cause I know that's become a, a significant part of your life after diagnosis and later in life. What... Was there ever a point when, uh, early on you felt like, "Oh, I'm not gonna be able to do this thing I love," or it was in jeopardy at all?
Or did you just power through the whole time? How did you handle that?
Ana Raw - final mixdown: Yeah, and I think I made excuses and kind of put it on other things, but looking back, you know, I'd played soccer all of my life, and I had dabbled in softball just 'cause a few of my friends were playing [00:10:00] it in middle school. But I continued into, um, high school, even post-diagnosis with playing soccer, um, for my school team and outside of school.
Um, but after my sophomore year, I just felt a little discouraged, I think, of like how I was able to see the ball from far away. I felt like I wasn't reacting as quickly as I felt like my athleticism was at, if that makes sense. Um, I knew it was just primarily because of my vision, but I knew that I was still capable of a lot, it just maybe wasn't soccer.
So luckily, um, we had a really good cross country and track program at my school, and you know, I never attributed this to vision loss or anything, but you know, I talked with the coach and he was like, "You know, you're really fast without the ball." I never told him about my vision loss or anything like that.
But I decided that hey, maybe this was something... You know, running is something I could do for longer, um, since it didn't involve a ball and maybe as quick of a [00:11:00] movements and, you know, it was more of an independent sport at times versus like having to let a team member down or something, uh, not see the ball.
So that's when I pivoted to cross country and track, and again, still had more vision than I do today. So you know, there's probably a lot of trips and falls during some of those cross country practices. Now looking back, I don't know how I did as well as I did, but um, I was able to make that work, and I think being able to be in more control was good for me, and I
Ana Nosal: I
think I liked that it was like a sport I could continue on into my adulthood where I felt a little bit more confident doing that than I was with soccer.
Matthew Reeves: It sounds like that would be a frustrating experience for a young athlete to be developing in your skills, understanding the game better, your body's getting better. Uh, everything's getting better except your performance, and that's attributable to your vision. that, that sounds like that would be a really hard thing to go through as a young [00:12:00] athlete
Ana Nosal: Definitely. I think I, you know, really had a lot of potential at Black Hills. I enjoyed it. I was passionate about it, but ultimately, you know, if my vision isn't going to get better, then there's only, you know, such a path for me to continue on. So I, you know, never admitted to myself or anyone that I made the switch of sports because of my vision, but, you know, looking back and again ref- self-reflecting, I think it was because I was trying to protect myself and be able to explore other opportunities
Matthew Reeves: did that, um, that, that, that phrase protect yourself is intriguing to me. How did, how did, um, not acknowledging the reason for the transition, or do you mean that the transition was to protect yourself? Help, help me understand the protection better.
Ana Nosal: Yeah, I think because I wasn't admitting to other people and disclosing even to close friends, [00:13:00] um, only really my family knew about my diagnosis, and of course, my parents trying to be responsible, protective parents told some of my, you know, friends' parents because they wanted them to, to be aware when I went over for sleepovers and things like that.
But, you know, I think I wanted to guard myself, and a way of doing that was, again, kind of telling myself that I was okay and that there wasn't, you know, anything wrong with me or different. So I think being able to, you know, protect myself by changing and pivoting sports, I was, you know, still putting on this, like, outward perception that, you know, nothing was wrong, but I was just, you know, changing it up because I was faster and wanted to do something without the ball.
Matthew Reeves: And even that you mentioned that even your coach didn't know. Was, is, was keeping that a secret, I think that's a, the story that a lot of us are familiar with, especially at a young age. But I think that's, that's a part of a lot of people's [00:14:00] stories at any age, uh, where we're talking about, you know, figuring out who to tell and how to tell and how much to tell, is a very, very complicated task, and it sounds like you were navigating that, uh, at a, at a pretty intense level pretty early.
Ana Nosal: Yeah, and I think it could have only benefited me sharing it with more people. Again, like my vision loss wasn't as bad and I hadn't lost as much, um, you know, 14 to 18 when I was in those high school years. But even throughout college, like I only told professors on a need-to-know basis. I only told friends on a need-to-know basis.
And I think it's been kind of crazy that, you know, since I started being more open and, you know, sharing on social media that I've had, you know, teachers from elementary and middle school and high school, you know, that, you know, follow me on social media that are like, "Oh my gosh, we had no idea." Um, coaches, like all those people that, you know, [00:15:00] I just kept it from, and not, not because I didn't trust them necessarily, but just because I didn't want to...
felt like burden anyone or ask for help. It's just kind of crazy. I realized just all the people in my life and support system that I didn't tell
Matthew Reeves: Mm. that a... I don't know. always, I feel like I have a weird relationship with the word regret, uh, 'cause I think sometimes we call something re- regret when it, when there was something we learned from it. Uh, so I, I don't know that it, it, that really the definition of that is all that clear. But do you feel like that's a regret you have, that you didn't tell more people earlier?
Ana Nosal: That's such a hard question because I like to say kind of like everything unfolds like how it should and is supposed to, but I think I would've been a lot more comfortable with myself if I had at least told maybe a few more people. And that was something [00:16:00] my, you know, my retina specialist had always encouraged me to do.
I remember, you know, kind of at every annual appointment, he was like, "All right, like just, you know, before I see you next year, just like tell one more person. Like, just one person." And I was just always kinda like rolling my eyes at that. You know, he had been telling me that for years, and I just, I feel like now that I've matured and like, you know, that advice would've gone so far, even if it was just my goal was one, every year, just tell one more person.
Um, because I think when I started telling people, you know, and it was before it was on social media, you know, I made an effort to disclose to my now boyfriend very early on, and it just like alleviated a lot of anxiety, and I feel like a lot of frustrations and just things that made me, that made life harder than it had to be for me.
So I will say, yes, I have regrets, but I am glad that at some point I just did decide to, to not let it continue that way.
Matthew Reeves: Yeah. Do you remember the first time [00:17:00] you kind of took that leap and did the uncomfortable thing and, and told somebody?
Ana Nosal: Yeah, I think the... Again, uh, other than like the need-to-know basis, I feel like my boyfriend was the first time that I felt like I told someone on my terms when I wanted to. And, you know, this is about almost two years ago, and, you know, for all my other, you know, relationships, it was kind of like I would- felt like I would only disclose to them after we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend.
We'd been on several dates, and I felt, like, you know, comfortable enough that, like, we weren't going anywhere. Not-- Like, nothing I could-- said would change anything. So again, I don't feel like that was, like, all my terms necessarily. Like, I felt like I had to wait to some, like, comfort level. But with my current boyfriend, I had been working in therapy on just overall self-confidence and things like that, where I was like, "I think this is a huge part of it."
Like, you know, how I feel about my vision loss and feeling like I'm lessened because of it. So I've been [00:18:00] really working through that with my therapist and, um, it was something that I wanted to disclose early on with my current boyfriend just because I felt like it would eliminate a lot of potential and future barriers to our relationship.
It would, you know, if it- if he was to react negatively, like, maybe that's just not my person. It was something that I could kind of suss out a little earlier. And so I think, you know, having built up the comfort with, like, myself and who I am and having it be just such a large p-piece of my life and who I am, I did share with him after our second date.
And again, I was like so nervous 'cause I work it up to be so much more in my head with, like, anxiety and everything like that. But, um, I think it brought us closer together, not in that moment, but just even on just being able to establish that, like, transparency and open communication early on. And, you know, we talk about it today, like, he didn't really understand probably the severity of what I was actually disclosing because, [00:19:00] you know, he didn't know anyone with a visual impairment before.
But, you know, I think it was just such a, a leap for me out of my comfort zone telling somebody and also just having them react in, like, a positive, supportive way where I think it calms, like, all of my nerves and fears of like, "Hey, someone's gonna... It's gonna be, like, a deal breaker for someone, and someone's not gonna like me because of, you know, my visual impairment.
They'll think of me differently." So I think that was just, like, a huge, um, thing I had to get past
Matthew Reeves: You mentioned, one was the role of therapy, but something else you said that I also wanted to get more information or, or at least highlight, and that was how disclosing, yes, you're revealing something about yourself to another person, but you're also gathering some information about the other person. are they gonna respond to this? What does that tell me about them? Uh, this, it's a... I, I like, I [00:20:00] like thinking about that disclosure in those terms. Like, this is sort of bidirectional. I'm, I'm gathering information as much as I'm giving it away. That's interesting to me. Did you find that to be... Have, has that been kind of part of the calculus going forward?
Ana Nosal: Yeah, and I think before when I, like, had told boyfriends or anybody, it was more of like, "Oh, I have to get this out and just, like, tell them." And it wasn't more of like... I never really thought about their reaction and how I would react based on their reaction because I think it was more just like, "Oh, I need to tell this, and, ugh, it's just gonna all be out there."
But I think when I, you know, had worked through therapy and decided to tell my boyfriend, we had to actually kind of thought about, like, "Okay, what if he negatively responds? What if he positively responds?" And, like, kind of thought through those different scenarios, and it was a lot more important to me, like you said, gathering his reaction and the questions he asks as a result, um, rather than it kinda be, like, all in, like, my hands
Matthew Reeves: Right. Right. How, how did [00:21:00] therapy, you told me a little bit already, already about how therapy helped you through that decision process. Uh, but it sounds like there was more than dates worth of time that you spent at therapy talking about that. It seems like it was deeper than that. So what, what, what role did therapy play in your life in terms of disclosure or adapting to vis- vision loss at all?
Ana Nosal: Yeah, I probably started therapy in like 2022, and it was actually grief counseling 'cause I had lost my dad, and, you know, just proactively sought professional help and guidance of kind of navigating that. And, you know, what we established early on was some goals I wanted to get out of therapy and, you know, kind of A and B goals were definitely more, you know, grief-focused and family relationship dynamics and things like that.
But there was always kind of that C goal of really trying to sift through why I felt the way I did about my vision loss and why I was so scared to disclose it. And it obvious- and it honestly took [00:22:00] years to get to that point. We didn't really hit it until, you know, three years post starting therapy. Um, it just wasn't something we got to.
There was just always other higher priorities or things I felt like I needed in the short term that, you know, kind of ruled out, like, "Hey, you know, I'm still losing my vision, but it's, it's gonna continue on that trajectory. We'll get to it when we do." Um, so then when we finally kind of sifted through the other priorities, you know, my therapist was like, "Let's, let's circle back to, to goal C.
We can't avoid it, you know, any longer. We've kind of-- We have kind of gone through everything else you need." And, you know, I think the way she approached it was more holistic of just kind of self-confidence and all of that where, you know, we kind of worked through a whole self-esteem workbook, and I just found that all of the exercises and scenarios we were talking through and working through together, almost all of them had to deal with my vision, and they were all, like, circumstances of, like, [00:23:00] meeting my friends at a restaurant, but not being able to find them, and it was just like almost everything was vision-related.
So I don't know whether she planned to or not, but they kind of all just, I think, kind of happened in parallel at the same time.
Matthew Reeves: Did you, uh, given that that wasn't the central thrust what you were working on, it literally took years to even hit that goal or to even work on that goal, d- were you surprised at all when it started, when you realized how many different things were orbiting around vision loss in terms of how you viewed yourself and how it was impacting your quality of life and relationships and all of that?
Ana Nosal: Yeah, I was a little surprised 'cause I think, you know, I knew it was there, but again, it wasn't like... You know, I was still in denial. I probably wasn't, like, accepting it for what it was. Like, you know, I had been diagnosed with generalized anxiety, but until we started kind of talking in therapy and, like, going through the workbook stuff, I was like, "Oh [00:24:00] my God."
I think, like, all these situations where I feel so anxious and less than or they all somehow have to do with my vision. There's, like, nothing else where, you know, we were kind of... You- we talk about all the, the pros and things that I offer. Like, you know, I'm smart, I'm successful, but then it was like all the negative stuff always had to do with my vision and feeling like I wasn't bringing, like, you know, a perfect person to the table.
Um, which was really interesting to me because, you know, I had thought of myself as a fairly confident person, and then realizing that it all had to do with how I kind of viewed and saw my vision loss, um, was really interesting.
Matthew Reeves: So there was a discrepancy between how you viewed yourself and then how some quiet part inside of you was viewing yourself. Yeah.
Ana Nosal: Right
Matthew Reeves: How did, how did you work from that place to, uh, a place of greater acceptance and less denial and feeling better about it? And I, uh, 'cause it seems like now, [00:25:00] on social media, I know that you, you're loud and proud. Uh, there's a big change there. How did... What... Tell me about that evolution.
Ana Nosal: Yeah, I think it was like some of the situations and scenarios we kind of talked and worked through, it-- kind of like how I disclosed to my boyfriend, we kind of thought about like, okay, what's worst case scenario? What's best case scenario? What are the odds of the worst case scenario happening? But what are the odds of the best case scenario happening?
And I think just kind of having that all laid out for me, I feel like I'm a pretty like Type A person, and being able to kind of see those scenarios laid out before me, I'm like, okay. And like the probability attached to them, I'm like, okay, this isn't-- it's not as bad. And I feel like also, you know, this is happening later in my 20s, so I feel more established as an individual.
I feel like I have really great friendships and a support system with my family and, you know, I'm successful at work. I feel like I just, with that, combined that with the ther-therapy, I felt like I was at a point where, all right, like, let's test out some of these, you know, sit-situations I talked through with my therapist.
[00:26:00] Let's, you know, tell my friends before I get to the restaurant that I'm visually impaired and I might need some help finding out what table they are. Can they give me some directions? What are they wearing? Where in the restaurant are they sitting? And then I just feel like, you know, then telling my boyfriend was a huge step, and I feel like almost he became like an advocate on my behalf, where, you know, he wasn't sharing it with other people, but he was encouraging me not to be afraid to share it with other people and just kind of brought up circumstances where he's like, "Hey, you know, we're riding bikes at night.
You know, when we're at the beach with my cousins, can I let them know you're visually impaired so that they can watch out for objects that, you know, you might miss?" And there was just stuff like that where he was kind of pushing me, you know, not forcing me or pressuring me, but just kind of thinking of situations where he's like, "Hey, it m-might be good to disclose," and, you know, starting to feel more comfortable.
But, you know, all that's to say you kind of have to get there on your own terms. And there was a few therapy [00:27:00] sessions where I'm like, I think I just want to rip the Band-Aid off. Like, there's just so many people I've kind of kept this from for so long that have been in my circle for, you know, over a decade that, you know, this is gonna be a shock to, and I don't know how to like sit down and have this awkward conversation with, you know, so many different types of people, like.
And social media just kind of seemed like the way to like rip the Band-Aid off, but also affect more people than just like my own circle with my story
Matthew Reeves: Did you... So you didn't, you chose not to sit down and have those, and you just did it publicly, right? You're just like, "Here we go. Okay." The, there was no conversation with individual friends or groups of friends. It was all social media. How did they, how did your friends respond? You did a public thing, and then you had these private relationships respond to it.
I'm curious how they, how they, they learned that, what, what was their response?
Ana Nosal: Yeah, and I mean, yeah, now even saying that, like, I don't know why it was just so much sc- scarier for me to have these, like, the daunting thought of having to sit down and, like, [00:28:00] try to explain to people why I kept it hidden for so long than it was just to, like, literally press post. And, um, but I think I kind of...
I, I think I liked that approach, where it was just all out in the open, and then I could kind of, again, I h- I... What was in my control was posting that and posting it, my story, how I wanted to, but then it was kind of in, uh, my friends and family and strangers' hands of how they would react. And I think I'd worked with my therapist on, like, you know, what if people react negatively?
But what if they react positively? And again, like, I feel like my boyfriend was just such a big supporter that, you know, he's kind of, like, talking me down as I'm, like, posting it and, like, freaking out as, you know, likes and comments and all that start to come in. But I didn't tell anyone else other than him and my therapist I was gonna post that, so, you know, obviously my mom is texting me like, "I'm so proud of you."
Like, where did that come from? Like, you know? So many years later, and, you know, my retina doctor was telling me, "Just tell one, one more person each year," and then [00:29:00] I, you know, ignored that advice and then just told thousands.
Matthew Reeves: Right?
Ana Nosal: Um,
Matthew Reeves: if I tell 8 billion people?
Ana Nosal: but it was really emotional. Um, I think I was still very stressed about, like, what type of reaction I'd have from other people.
I kind of knew everyone would be supportive, but I was almost worried that I was hurting... I almost felt guilty that I had kept it from so many close people for so long, that I felt guilty in that, you know, people would be disappointed that I didn't feel enough trust or maybe en- comfort in them to confide in them earlier on.
I think that was something that I was really anxious about that, hey, I did keep this a secret for so long. Like, I hope, like, my best friends aren't like, "Wait, why did she not tell us?" Or I was also wondering, like, how many people are gonna be like, "Oh, duh, that explains so much of why Anna never waves to us on the street," or, like you know, "Does that weird thing with her phone.
She zooms in." So I just didn't really know what people were gonna think, but obviously the support was, like, overwhelming, and, [00:30:00] you know, even to this day, people that, you know, I finally see for the first time since I posted that are like, "Hey, I, I love that you shared that. Your videos mean a lot to me. I had no idea."
Um, so I would say still, still am glad that I did that.
Matthew Reeves: Yeah. Yeah. I'm so glad you got the support you were looking for and deserve. Uh, I, I'm struck by what you were saying about processing through what's the worst thing that can happen, what's the best thing that can happen. I think, this is just my own personal theory, I don't have data to support this, but, uh, it, it makes sense to me, that an evolutionary standpoint, we are programmed to think about the worst-case scenario because that protects us. So if it's unlikely, that's where we're gonna put our energy unless we make an intentional effort to say, "All right. Well, what's the best thing that could happen?" Which that, that's, that requires a cer- certain amount of mindfulness and, and energy to, like, go [00:31:00] off, off the default path. Uh, and when we do that, that's...
When we think about it, I think more often than not, especially in a situation like what you're describing, the best-case scenario is far more likely.
Ana Nosal: Right.
Matthew Reeves: the people who love me and care about me are going to respond in a supportive way as opposed to thinking that I'm a horrible human being and that they should dump me, right?
Like, that's not likely. Um, and but it does take, like, a certain amount of effort and intentionality to ask yourself the question, "What's the best thing that could happen here?" Uh, but I'm really happy for you that you... That the best thing did happen, that you got the support you deserve. That's wonderful.
Ana Nosal: Thank you. Yeah, exactly. It sounds ridicul- ridiculous when you like break it all out like that in your head, but again, that's where we all jump to is worst case possible.
Matthew Reeves: not ridiculous because we're human beings and we've evolved and our brains work a certain way to protect us. So I, I don't think it's ridiculous at all. It's
Ana Nosal: Sure
Matthew Reeves: the way brains work. So, you know, and that's okay. [00:32:00] now that you have the social media presence, uh, what, what has that experience been like?
Is that spreading beyond your core group of, of people to a larger audience? Is that your goal?
Ana Nosal: Yeah, I think, again, shout out to my therapist. She had me write down my why before I ever posted. She was like, "You're gonna want to rely on this when you ever doubt yourself or you get that negative comment finally." She's like, "You're gonna wanna go back to your why or you feel discouraged with posting."
And I had a few whys. Uh, I think the number one was, like, for myself. Again, like, rip the Band-Aid off, tell everyone, get it out in the open, not feel like I have to hide it from anyone. And then I think, two, was like, you know, educate my family and friends on, you know, my disease, how to better support me and other people like me.
And then I think the third was, like, can I help other people who are [00:33:00] b- 14 and being diagnosed or who are, you know, my age and are also dealing with their diagnosis but maybe haven't told anyone? So I just thought that there was, like, this other angle where, you know, outside of just, you know, the benefits to myself and the people in my core group, like, could I reach people, even just one person honestly that, you know, was scared to tell somebody or felt like they were less than.
And so those were kind of my, like, three pillars of, like, okay, this is keeping me going and I feel like, you know, in full transparency, like, I-- every time I post something I still do get that, like, cringe moment of, like, "Ugh," like, "Why did I just put that out there?" Like, that was so raw and honest and vulnerable.
And I don't know if that goes away really, but I, you know, I think the, the rewards, like, outweigh any of that, like, negative thoughts or self-talk because, you know, I've been able to connect with people all around the world, and it's not just, you know, people with [00:34:00] experiencing vision loss that, you know, are so similar to me and relate so much, and that's been awesome to find that community.
But I think what's most rewarding honestly has been people's parents or siblings or friends or partners that have been like, "Hey, you described what my daughter's going through and I had no idea. And, you know, you've like opened my eyes to people experiencing vision loss." And like, you know, my boyfriend's family member was recently like, "I was at the grocery store and I realized this person that kept bumping into me was actually just visually impaired, and they kept apologizing."
But she was like, "I never really would have kind of thought that at first. Um, it probably would have taken me a little bit longer to get there, and maybe I would have been annoyed with this guy who kept bumping into me. But your videos have made me realize that there's like all this-- these people out there that are struggling with this that you don't necessarily know or can tell, um, just from looking at them."
Matthew Reeves: That's so cool how voice you've found now is almost in for the silent version of you, but for [00:35:00] other people, right? Like, you're going back in time and, and helping others have a voice before they're ready to have their own voice. That's, that's really a beautiful thing
Ana Nosal: Yeah, and maybe that's why I don't like maybe 100% regret like my journey, why it took me so long, because I feel like I have been able to like grow and from it and kind of see both sides of like what it's, what's it like keeping it a secret? What's it like disclosing? And I really do feel like everyone just kinda has to, to share on their own time and on their own journey, um, and what, you know, they feel like is right for them.
But, um, yeah, it is, it is cool I think now to, to feel like I'm giving advice to my younger self
Matthew Reeves: Yeah. Yeah, that's very cool. Um, what, what kind of responses... Well, you've told me, told me some about the sort of the close-up responses. I'm curious from a, from a social media, uh, the, the social internet, uh, perspective, [00:36:00] what the reaction has been, uh, and sort of, I guess at a, at a broad level, what, what have you received from the community of followers?
Ana Nosal: Yeah, I would say it's all majority positive. Um, so I would say just finding the community that's out there, like I don't think I even really noticed how many people out there experiencing vision loss or like all the different degrees and types of vision loss that there are out there. I feel like I've been become better educated, and it's just funny 'cause like I feel like I post, you know, more entertaining type of content, kind of, you know, poking fun at myself sometimes.
But it's funny 'cause, you know, other people are also posting about how they fall down the stairs all the time, and just that camaraderie I feel like I found and like support system there. Um, but I find that a lot of my videos that, you know, both my friends and family really like, but also, um, just random followers really seem to relate and, you know, feel like they benefit from is like when I try to [00:37:00] explain what my vision loss looks like or feels like and try to put it into, you know, almost like elementary terms or kind of everyday terms.
Um, like, yeah, like I made a video of like, you know, Tom Cruise's face and like, hey, I blurred out the, the center of it 'cause that's how I see people. Um, but I think the way I've been able to try to convey things that always felt complex for me to explain to even people like my boyfriend of how I see, um, I think it's given me a kind of like a platform and a means of trying to, to communicate it in simpler ways for people to understand.
Matthew Reeves: Yeah, so it kind of sounds like it kinda scratches a creative and a
Ana Nosal: Ray
Matthew Reeves: for you. Like, how, how do I take this really complicated thing and put it into terms that very large audience might be able to grasp? Uh, and that's gotta be rewarding when it works,
Ana Nosal: Exactly
Matthew Reeves: been able to effectively communicate something.
And maybe for other people with impairment, th- 'cause you're right, it, it is so different from person to person, [00:38:00] even within the same diagnosis. Uh, it's just, it's a radically different experience, and we... And I think most of us struggle to put it into words, 'cause I just don't think English is very good at communicating these things. so you're, you're using the tools of and graphics and other things besides just English to do that. That's, that's great.
Ana Nosal: A h- 100%.
Matthew Reeves: yeah. And w- I wanna circle back on the athletics. Uh, are you still an athlete?
Ana Nosal: I don't really do anything with balls or the hand-eye coordination still, but, uh, I, I know it's, like, hard because I feel like pickleball is a huge trend and it has been, but I've tried that and I just-- the reaction time just isn't there for me. But people have, in the blind community, I think have just exposed me to all these different ways to play adaptive sports that, again, I just wasn't aware of, like blind golf, blind tennis.
So I'm definitely not ruling any of the possibilities out. [00:39:00] Um, but I have kind of picked up again my love for running and have started-- just ran my first marathon in March and in training for my second. Thank you. And so even that, like, you know, it's something that, you know, I thought I could carry into adulthood, but there are adaptations and just limitations that having lost more vision since I started running that I've had to deal with.
And hey, like, if it's, you know, dark, I'm not gonna go running by myself 'cause I literally can't see anything, or I need to plan my route more carefully beforehand because I can't read the street signs. So there's things like that where I've had to take into consideration, but that is something that I've found ways to still enjoy and be able to do independently
Matthew Reeves: Yeah, I can relate. I'm not... I would, would... I'm far from an athlete, but I try to, to jog periodically, and same thing. I, I'm gonna use the same route every time. I'm not gonna run it the dar- in dark. I would probably enjoy trail running far more than [00:40:00] sidewalk running, but I'm not gonna do that because I don't feel safe doing it.
I'm gonna trip or hurt myself. So not to say that somebody else with a vision impairment can't trail run. I... It's just not for me.
Ana Nosal: Exactly
Matthew Reeves: so yeah, we figure out, well, how, how do I adapt? How do I f- how do I fit my desires into my capabilities? And sometimes that's a question of problem-solving, and getting creative, and figuring out how to mold and adapt, and, and kind of squeeze into what's possible. Uh, but almost never is it a, "No, you just simply can't do that." Like, it's, it's, it's very rare. There are some things, and this has come up on the show before, there are some things like I'm never going to be a fighter pilot. Like, it's not gonna happen. But I can exercise. I can figure out a way to exercise if that's what I wanna do.
Uh, so yeah, that's... I like hearing how, you, you've had a similar experience to dodge and weave a little bit in order to achieve your goals and stay the active person that you wanna [00:41:00] be. That's very nice.
Ana Nosal: For sure
Matthew Reeves: Yeah. Um, what are... I wanna... We'll circle back to the social media. What are your goals for that? Where do you wanna take it?
Do
Ana Nosal: That's a great,
Matthew Reeves: about
Ana Nosal: that's a great question. I feel like October, I'll come up on, like, a year of sharing my story and posting, and I think I kinda wanna reevaluate and set some goals, because I think it was just my only goal was trying to post and get the word out there and start making content. But I feel like, you know, I am someone that likes to achieve and have goals to strive towards.
So I think setting some, you know, measurable and, you know, more specific goals around do I wanna make more content like X, or do I want to, you know, try to target a more niche audience? Like, I think setting some of those would be helpful for myself, I think, just to kinda stay motivated. Um, but yeah, I think I, I...
Like you said, it's, like, a [00:42:00] nice creative outlet, and, um, does help me convey, like, what I'm going through to family, friends, and, you know, otherwise. So definitely still gonna do it, but, um, I do feel like there probably should be, like, a time of, like, reflection at that year point and try to figure out where I wanna go next.
Matthew Reeves: That's, uh, intentionality. That's, that's fan- that's fantastic. Where, where can people find you online?
Ana Nosal: Yep. I post on Instagram and TikTok
Matthew Reeves: Under what handle?
Ana Nosal: Yep. Uh, so it's my first name Anna, A-N-A, and then underscore my last name, N-O-S-A-L
Matthew Reeves: Well, if people want to follow your content, now they know how. As we come to the end of our time, uh, what, message would you have for this audience, or any final thoughts or lessons learned that we haven't touched on yet?
Ana Nosal: I think I'm gonna have to echo my retina specialist advice where you don't have [00:43:00] to be like me and post it online for anyone and everyone to see. But I think, again, setting some small goals and just like, "Hey, uh, tomorrow I'm gonna tell, you know, my teacher. Next week I'm gonna tell, you know, my closest friend.
Next year I'm gonna tell, you know, whoever I get into a relationship with." Like, I think setting some of those more attainable things can make it seem less daunting. I think I, like, passed all those milestones in my head and was just like, "I have to tell everyone." But I think if I had done it in more, um, you know, bite-sized chunks growing up, I think it would've been a lot easier to kind of come out on social media and share it all at once.
Um, because again, I still feel very true to like, you know, everyone has a, a time too and a way of doing it that's right for them. Um, but I think, you know, there is power in just even telling one person
Matthew Reeves: Yeah. Yeah. [00:44:00] You, you did it in an unusual way. You broke the dam and, and just flooded the, flooded the whole thing and it created... You put an Anna-shaped hole in the wall as you ran through it.
Ana Nosal: And if anyone wants to talk through doing that, uh, yeah, definitely reach out 'cause I can talk you through that mental game. But, um, I am supportive of any way in which people want to disclose
Matthew Reeves: Yeah. And, you know, your story is just filled with between I guess, your boyfriend and, and family, th- those people who did know early, one thing I noticed is that they all met you where you were, and they n- nobody forced your hand, nobody pressured you. Even your, even the retina specialist was saying, "I think this would be a good idea," but nobody's...
It didn't seem like anybody was trying to take your own agency away, and I think that's a good lesson for advocates and allies to hear. I think that's really important, so, uh, I'm... That, that's part of your story that I wanted to highlight too. So good, good for them, and good [00:45:00] for a retina specialist getting in there and treating you like a human being and not just like a pair of eyeballs.
That's
Ana Nosal: I lo- I love my doctor, and it was cool. Actually, I saw him in December, um, and I got to tell him. I told everyone. I told all of social media, and, you know, I think just... He's been seeing me since, you know, I was 14, 15, so being able to share that with him was such an exciting thing, and I think was really rewarding to him.
You know, having seen me grow up and, you know, not feel comfortable with disclosing, and then being, you know, coming into his office at 29 and telling him I told the world.
Matthew Reeves: All those years of
Ana Nosal: Right
Matthew Reeves: they all came together in one moment, in one, one click of a button and it happened. Uh, and it sounds like it's worked really well for you, which I'm really happy about, so thank you for telling your story
Ana Nosal: Thank you for letting me share and have the space to do so
Matthew Reeves: Absolutely. I appreciate it, and, uh, hope, I hope listeners enjoyed the story and keep listening, uh, for more. And if they wanna, [00:46:00] uh, find you on social media, they can check the show notes along with your email address. Uh, 'cause I appreciate your offer to help people if they wanna be on social media too, so they can reach out to you that way. Very cool. Well, we'll leave it there for today, and thanks again. Uh, and be well
Ana Nosal: Awesome. Thank you
RECAP
Matthew Reeves: that was my conversation with Anna Nozal, who spent years disclosing her Stargardt disease only on a strict need-to-know basis before deciding almost a year ago to share her story publicly all at once.
I loved learning how deliberate her path there actually was. Therapy, her retina specialist's yearly nudge to just tell one more person, and a practical conversation with her boyfriend before she ever took it to social media. What stuck with me the most is her point that disclosure runs in both directions It reveals something about you, but it also tells you something about the person receiving it.
I'm grateful that she reminded me that the [00:47:00] worst-case scenario we brace for is rarely what actually shows up. You can find Anna on Instagram and TikTok, and her contact information is in the show notes if you'd like to talk through your own disclosure journey
UTRO
Matthew Reeves: Thanks for joining us for this episode of Insight Out. You are the reason this podcast exists and we'd love to hear from you. You can leave us a voice message at speakpipe.com/insightoutpod. That's speakpipe.com/insightoutpod. There, you can share your thoughts about today's conversation, suggest a topic for a future episode, or tell us about your experience living with vision loss. Again, that's speakpipe.com/insightoutpod.
Insight Out is produced by Integral Mental Health Services, my private practice that offers psychotherapy for adults in [00:48:00] Georgia and disability adjustment and chronic illness counseling nationwide. Visit us at integralmhs.com and you can visit insightoutpod.com to catch up on all the episodes and to find links for subscribing in all the major podcast apps. A video version of this podcast is available on YouTube. Search for the channel, using the handle @inSightOutPod. You can also find us on social media using that same handle. I hope you'll join us for the next episode of inSight Out. Subscribe now in your favorite podcast app to stay connected. Thanks again for listening.